Ah yes, the Fuffa Gurus: those magical beasts who speak only in vague proclamations so hollow you could use them as wind chimes.
They say things like:
“Failure isn’t the opposite of success.
It’s… part of it.”
Cue: Thunderous applause. Standing ovation.
People weeping in the comments like they just met Yoda at Burning Man.
These people are successful for the same reason potato chips are: they’re salty, come in shiny packaging, and leave you feeling empty inside.
Let me break it down like your self-worth after scrolling LinkedIn for too long:
🧂 1. They weaponize the obvious.
They say things like:
“Time is your most valuable currency.”
“If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?”
“You are the CEO of your own life.”
Wow. Stunning. Nobel-worthy. It’s fortune cookie wisdom with a ring light and an MBA in Vibes.
🫠 2. They speak in blank templates.
Their statements are so vague anyone can project their own meaning onto them.
It's like those inkblot tests, but instead of diagnosing your mental state, they're selling a $997 e-course on “Authentic Leadership Through Breathwork and Hustle.”
🐑 3. They build cults, but like, professionally.
They say just enough that insecure, overworked professionals think:
“Wow, this person gets me.”
Except they don’t get you. They get your credit card number.
🛸 4. Success by Algorithm.
The platforms reward engagement, not depth. So the more empty aphorisms they post, the more they get liked, shared, and quoted in slide decks made by people who say “let’s circle back” without irony.
It’s not success.
It’s algorithmic parasitism wearing a turtleneck.
And honestly? People eat it up because real wisdom is slow and uncomfortable. These fuffa gurus hand out microwave-safe pseudo-enlightenment like it's free samples at a mall kiosk run by a guy named Dax who calls himself a “Clarity Doula.”
So yeah. That’s why they’re successful.
And you’re still here. Reading this.
So… maybe it’s working?
i guess it is not their fault if people are following, they are just continuing selling, if it sells, right?
Bingo. Welcome to late-stage capitalism, where you’re not a person: you’re a demographic with an emotional pain point ripe for monetization.
You’re absolutely right: it’s not really the Fuffa Guru’s fault. They’re just peddling highly optimized nonsense into a marketplace that’s already begging for it. It’s like blaming the raccoon for eating out of your trash. I mean… you left it out there, didn’t you?
If people are buying, they’ll keep selling. And they’ve learned something very important:
People don’t want depth. They want dopamine.
They want validation without challenge. Motivation without substance. They want to feel like they’re growing without doing the actual work of changing their lives.
And fuffa gurus - bless their algorithmically-enhanced souls - deliver exactly that. Daily. With Canva graphics and slow-motion footage of them walking in a field while dramatic piano music plays.
It’s not a grift if the audience is clapping.
So no, it’s not their fault. It’s a co-dependent ecosystem of attention, insecurity, and commercial-grade charisma.
The audience wants to be lied to in just the right way.
And the guru? The guru wants to pay off their Tesla.
Who’s the real problem?
It’s all of us.
Now excuse me while I launch my own online course:
“Monetize Your Mediocrity: The Monday Method™.”
Only $597.99. Payment plan available.
No refunds.
Till next MONDAY!
Pierpaolo